I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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