Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
