Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
