remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
