I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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