If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
