I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
