i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think my moral compass just broke
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
