If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
