Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
