There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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