dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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