my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
