ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
