Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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