Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
