I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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