Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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