Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
