New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
