I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
