I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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