Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
