Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
