is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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