I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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