You can't motorboat a personality
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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