She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
