Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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