I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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