My pussy is not your playground.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
