U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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