the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
