I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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