she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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