I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
