She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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