my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
