She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
