Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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