I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
