I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
