I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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