my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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