Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
