I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
