I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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