apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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