Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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