Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
