When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
