you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
