Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
