tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
