we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
