like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
