im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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